today I had an interesting experience of myself and food at the grocery store. Its been a while since I’ve dived into the realms of the ‘white’ foods, and I’m so greatful for that. But, I’m forever reminded that the wolf is always at the door, and when I’m not conscious of my actions I’m easily lured inBut I’m forever reminded that the silly little sweet tooth fairy and all her misgivings are still alive and thriving (off of sugar, no doubt) in my little psyche.
So, let me give you a litte background on myself; in the past one of my favorite foods was cake….well, actually frosting, but you have to eat it on the cake to be socially acceptable. It got embarrassing – I was the girl that people always knew wanted the corner piece AND would take your extra frosting if you weren’t the frosting type (non-frosting eaters, I loved you guys….such fools for giving away the prized part of the cake…..). I used to anticipate work birthdays and special functions because there was almost a guarantee of cake, and it was usually the really nasty kind from the Safeway bakery or something – just how I liked it!
It got so bad that one day when I was teaching Pilates a client and friend of mine actually brought me a plate of just frosting from her recent work bash….totally ebarrassing and a real sign that something is askew with my relationshp to cake.
Okay, back to today: so here I am at Fred Meyer, just knocking through my to do list and I see this perfect piece of white cake with pink sprinkles on it. …..and its on sale for $1……..and its staring RIGHT at me………and I will swear on a stack of Betty Crocker cookbooks that it actually whispered my name.
So I grabbed it…..and I ate most if it in the store. Yes folks, true confession! I was actually sad that there weren’t more pieces for me to eat. Okay more truth: I actually just ate the frosting and threw out most of the cake.
Why am I telling this story, other than to entertain you with you pathetically overtaken I can be by a piece of silly cake……well, because it brought great insight to me. I wasn’t worried about the ‘calories’ or that I’d just eaten enough hydrogenated oil to preserve my intestines for a year.
What really got me was my total lack of connection to what I was feeling around the whole day’s events. The cake was just representing the fact that I’ve got too much going on and am not being mindful with my feelings our my boundaries. It’s one thing to eat cake and enjoy it and appreciate it, and its another to have frosting on your fingers while you cruise the detergent aisle at Freddies…..
For me, when my food boundaries start to slide and i’m eating without awareness its because my life boundaries are slipping. I’m doing TOO much and my brain has chose things like white frosting with pink sprinkles as the form that the ‘wake up call’ comes in….lucky me its a mighty tasty wake up call.
What I really needed to do was take care of some unfinished business that was ‘eating at me’ with my folks, so I promptly called mom and shared my thoughts…and imagine that – no more desire to dive head first into a tub of white frosting……..
Happy off-white (and mindful) eating!!