Definition (or one of them) of enough:
In a degree or quantity that satisfies; to satisfaction; sufficiently
I AM ENOUGH
last night the burn of three days frustration poured out of me onto paper and also into my husband’s lap. I was feeling inadequate, purposeless, and overwhelmed with what Off-White is meant to be. Here it is week 6 since I’ve left the comfort of my full time job and I don’t have a thriving business yet….what’s my problem 😉 Coinciding with this frustration was the desire to eat my weight (and more) in apple fritters, white cake with thick white frosting and hearty oatmeal cookings. Truly, I couldn’t stop fantasizing about being alone in a room full of treats. This is my class sign to myself that I’ve tipped the sanity scale in the direction of going nowhere fast.
So, after lots of prayer, voracious scribbles on a notepad, and talks with my husband I came to realize that I’m trying too hard with Off-White. I’m trying to make it be (in my mind) the answer to everything that everyone needs…..and it’s because I doubt my original purpose is enough.
What, ask you, was the original vision with Off-White. Before I tell my secret, I must also share that this is also simply the very thing I want to do with my entire life: to carry the message that there is life after sugar for those, like me, who have been horribly handcuffed by the power of refined carbs. That’s it. It’s a desire not just to help the world, but to continue helping myself.
IT IS ENOUGH
My tendency is to always think I must do more than everybody else to be half as good as anybody else. “What if my dream ends up not being good enough for the world”, I ask myself over and over again. The net result of that question is a bee-line for the nearest bakery or a fantasy to do so. Nothing like a little ‘not enough-ness’ to trigger all those feelings which activate sugar control centers in my brain to EAT and FORGET all the fears…..thank god I have enough recover to usually not listen, but that is why I need this blog, and this community -the pull to doubt myself, eat over it, or just feel crummy, is STRONG.
Recently I was listening to Dr. John Demartini and he said something interesting:
“If you have a burning desire to share something with the world, there are people in the world who have a burning desire to recieve it from you”. I must trust this. I must trust that whatever Off-White manifests into, whether it be a Fortune 500 company of products and tools to help people, or just a blog that I write for my own edification, I have a burning desire to carry this damn torch and to keep healing my body and my soul to become a better person (hopefully with less meltdowns).
So, enough from me today. That’s it. This is what Off-White is, plain and simple.
PS: you are enough too – wherever you are and whomever you are. This one doesn’t just apply to me !
Right – On – sista!
and a friendly reminder this will not be your last meltdown – 🙂
I love the “I am enough” affirmation. I SO appreciate your being so honest – it really helps all of us. I think VERY highly of you, and your being so real makes you even more precious:)
Keep up the good work. I just started reading this blog and find your perspective to be very fresh and useful. It’s a very difficult message but one that will be taken seriously by many people out there.
“I exist as I am, that is enough.” ~ Walt Whitman
Off-White is a pure expression of yourself to the world. That is certainly enough. To be so passionate about something (a purpose) that you take the risk you did is truly a gift.
Consider the depth, not the breadth of your impact. Helping to transform one life (even if it is your own), is quite an accomplishment by an ruler you or the world could place to it.
When you get a chance, read this: http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2008/12840.html. The day I read this, nearly eighteen months ago, I decided to save the link on my computer. I wasn’t sure why I did that then, but I am not wondering anymore.
I am here at Wellspring and dropped in to the breathwork with Kimmy, and I have learned,you are the only thing that can stop you!!!!! Your mind will play games and you will make up every reason that may happen to sabbotage your dream but you will over come the fear and what ifs and move forward to the destiny you are to have and of course that is what ever you make it…..I truly belive you are GREAT and BRILLIANT,make it happen sister!