This morning I woke up half dreaming and half fantasizing about a wonderful comfort food. My vision was of a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich on toasted french bread (isn’t that something like a “fluff and utter” on the East coast. To add to the fantasy element, I was sitting on a porch swing overlooking the ocean just enjoying my larger than life sandwich and watching the waves.
These larger than life fantisies are usually a sign of some kind of unrest within me. I think it all boils down to this:
WOW.
WOW, or “Week of Welcome” at UC Davis denotes the beginning of the graduate degree process. There’s no turning back now, it’s official – this train is leaving the station and I’m buclked in.
Not that I feel trapped. More like excited and nervous. Where is this adveture taking me? Can I manage my nutrition while juggling classes, teach assistantships adn studying? Hahaha, only a sugar addict would list managing her nutrition as a real life concern during times of change. I see what happens with many grad students: slumped shoulders, pot bellies, and a dusty gym pass that hasn’t been used since their first week. I think this process simply makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. This is all so new to me. Historically sugar has been my personal companion in times of need, and now that I’m living a new way, the feelings become more exposed. More real. And they sometimes want to make me retreat back into a place where larger than life comfort food accompanies me for leisurely afternoons. ……..
Off White Living 