Today I had an interesting conversation with a client that brought be back to a real, hard truth. The underlying reason that I am committed to living within the off-white program is not just because of all the nutritional benefits of healthy food. It’s not because it keeps me skinny or guarantees me more of a chance at health as an older woman.
No, the real reason is because of the deep emotional power that food, namely refined carbs, have on me when I let them. In short, when I’m diving into the carbs I end up full but starving. My starving I mean emotionally.
I used to do a lot of writing about why I was so obsessed with sugar. What was it with that crazy substance? As i wrote, the words glared back at me. I was letting sweets ‘romance’ me the way I was wanting to be ‘romanced’ by life. Food was a friend, an entertainment, a yummy distraction, an excuse, a place to feel safe and forget about the world.
When I eat compulsively or binge out on sweets, I’m full but starving for something more than food can give me, yet it is seductive. It distracts me from reality. It creates a familiar pattern (albeit really uncomfortable) of stress relieve a la food. For so many people I know and work with, they too realize that they are being courted by food and its a false love that leads nowhere good.
PLUS….plus……you do get physically addicted to the stuff. Then you’ve really got a kunundrum – emotional and physical desires. Its like dating the bad boy who makes you feel sooooo good when you are with him, but so crummy when you are alone. So you turn a blind eye to the truth and dive back in. I am one of those people who simply can’t have “just one”! Its a landslide waiting to happen, especially when my guard is down and my fear is up.
If that rings true for you, I want you to know that you are not alone. And don’t think for one second that there is something wrong with you because we all have coping mechanisms. Some are just more healthy/tolerable than others. Most of us have some shade of using food for ways other than nourishment. Its still something I struggle with. When I fight with Matt the only thing I really want to do is eat oatmeal cookies, drink hot cocoa, and sit on my couch. And believe me…. been there, done THAT. I just come to believe that it’s part of the karma I’m working out on this earth, and without it, this website and personal passion would have never been born!
I’m grateful for my client today who brought it back down to reality and reminded me of my truth.
Happy off white eating,